Wineskins & Seasons

New wine is for new wineskins.

Luke 2:21-22

No one sews a piece of new, unshrunk cloth on old clothes; otherwise, the patch tears away from it, the new from the old, and makes a worse tear. No one pours new wine into old leather wineskins; otherwise, the wine would burst the wineskins and the wine would be lost and the wineskins destroyed. But new wine is for new wineskins.

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When I was in high school, a youth pastor mentor of mine gave me a writing journal for daily study and prayer. In what is still a bit of an amazement to me, I used it. A lot. When I filled it up, I simply got a spiral notebook and kept going. Every night, I wrote prayers in those things. I still have them. Once every other year or so I come across them and read some of the prayers. They are simple, a bit legalistic, and utterly juvenile.

And they are deeply personal and honest.

When I read them, those prayers about would-be girlfriends and anxious requests for test-taking and sports-team-making now seem worlds away to my 45-year-old self. But I know that the effort was both a development of my own faith and faithfulness in writing them daily and God’s faithfulness in listening. They held me in so many ways.

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When I got to college, I was quite disappointed to find out that this practice did not suit me anymore. I tried. It just didn’t work. It was very frustrating to me. I found other avenues of spiritual practice and formation - much more sporadic - but it was a sad thing to me that what had become so formative just didn’t seem to work anymore.

I’ve had similar shifts in practice over the years across a variety of seasons. But that first disappointment began to teach me to be okay with change. That there are different seasons for different things. Even so, I am still working on being okay with change.

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I was meeting with a Benedictine spiritual director in the winter of 2009-2010 when our fourth child was born. I remember expressing to him my frustration that, now with four children ages five and under, I just couldn’t find a consistent daily rhythm of scripture and prayer. I’ll never forget him introducing me to a monastic truth well-known among monastics.

Pray as you can, not as you can’t.

I’ve tried to live within this grace since then.

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When I began Jesus Daily on January 1, 2023, I had a few reasons for doing so.

I am a creature of habit who thrives on daily rhythm. You might even call it daily “streaks.” I’m a bit of a numerophile and am motivated by knowing that something I’m doing has carried on daily for a while. I once walked at least a mile outside every single day - without missing a single day regardless of weather or illness - for over six years. So there was a bit of a personal motivation with Jesus Daily - I wanted to do this every day.

I wanted to dig deeply and consistently into the gospels of Jesus Christ. It seemed to me at the time that so many things purported to be “Christian” just were not. Not even close. And so I wanted to read Christ’s gospels over and over again on a daily basis to help mitigate mission drift. I still want to do this. And I still will. I participate in faith because of Jesus Christ. Sure; I love the narrative(s) of scripture. Yes: I appreciate the things of Paul and Israel. But I choose to live my life the way I do because of the person of Jesus. I think this may sound like a cliché, but for me, it is not. I can’t make reason of faith in God. It doesn’t work for me (though I used to think it did). Rather, I choose to believe because I want to believe in Jesus. I like him, his person, and his story, and I want the world around me to conform to his Kingdom and likeness.

I like to write prayers. Taking a page from my favorite theologian, I’ve found great usefulness, joy, and purpose in writing prayers in ordinary language. I’ve also found that some people tend to appreciate my written prayers. While I like to write devotionally and slightly academically (what is usually the first portion of my daily entries), I really like writing the prayer because I believe I can (and should be) more honest in the prayer section. If you’ve been with me during this journey, you’ve hopefully come to know that I make the prayers out to be a bit of a theological sandbox. God seeks our honesty and I find it helpful to write prayers to that end.

If I was going to take this journey through the gospels, and since I was pastoring a church congregation at the time, I decided I’d make it an effort of accountability for myself to them. I believe it can be quite formational for a congregation to journey together through the same path in scripture. When I was called away from that congregation in the summer of 2024, I decided to keep writing Jesus Daily.

But this journey has come to an end.

I am sorry to those - if there are any left after yet another set of absentee entries - who have come to depend on this daily. But I’m having to be honest with myself. What was both a joy and productive daily task has become a chore. It’s not simply that it’s not life-giving - I reject aspects of this generation’s measurement of the worthiness of all things via the question, “Is it life-giving?”. More so, I have quit because, in that I am not personally finding fruitfulness in it, I cannot put the effort into it in such a way that it is fruitful for others.

Further, I need and want to find fruitfulness in reading the gospels. I have begun a new manner of reading the gospels, one free from writing at this time. I am looking forward to reading the gospels without knowing in the back of my mind that I need to produce some writing for others after reading it.

That’s another thing. I do love to write. And I often find myself wanting to write on a variety of topics, but in that I write Jesus Daily, well, every day, I cannot commit much more time to other writing. I am looking forward to writing some other stuff from time to time on my other Substack (including prayers).

If you’re curious, my practice each morning now is to spend some time in mindful prayer without reading anything first. This is a bit of a new journey for me. I usually pray a short prayer and then read scripture expectantly. But I’ve been yearning for a different movement of the Spirit in my life in recent months, and will approach things accordingly. I’ve come to deeply value a prayer I’ve written out many times in the last year or so in JD and am using it as a basis, breath-prayer-like model for these times, inviting the Spirit to simply be with me for a while before I turn to reading the gospels.

Holy Father of all creation,
I see your loving justice in Jesus of Nazareth.
By your Spirit,
Make me more like him.

So then I am continuing to read through the gospels, for a good amount of time each morning, not on any particular schedule other than “daily.” When I’ve finished the four gospels, I will switch to a different translation or paraphrase and do it again. There are many translations through which I’ve hoped to traverse the whole of the gospels and I’m looking forward to doing so.

I’m also looking to reclaim some of the time spent on JD, redirecting it to playing the piano. I found joy in recording those Advent & Christmas hymns and would like to go further with this.

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Maybe some day something like Jesus Daily will arise again. For now, every single entry is available from the past 3+ years, three complete journeys through the gospels plus however far I got this year.

Though it is now over, I’m so grateful for this season.
And I’m so grateful for those who’ve joined me in it.
Truly.
Thank you.