Jesus Was Deeply Disturbed

Can he do that?

Let’s just pause for a moment and recognize from this passage that Jesus has the capacity to be deeply disturbed. Again, we see his humanity. And we see his humanity in the space where we might otherwise assume that the strength that comes with his divinity would not allow for a disturbed individual.

And yet, we read from John that Jesus was deeply disturbed.

Jesus had washed their feet. He had shown them love in the most tangible way, lowering himself before them as a servant. And yet, one among them was already set on betrayal.

We might tend to imagine Jesus as unwaveringly calm and composed, but John tells us plainly: Jesus was deeply disturbed. He wasn’t untouched by the reality of what was about to unfold. He felt the weight of it all—not just the coming suffering of the cross, but the personal sting of betrayal. Judas wasn’t a distant enemy. He was a friend, a disciple, someone who had walked with him, eaten with him, listened to his teaching, and seen his miracles. And now, he was willing to do something Jesus did not and would not ask him to do.

There is something profoundly human about this moment. Many of us have known the pain of being let down by someone we trusted. And yet, this moment is also distinctly Christlike. Jesus does not lash out. He does not try to stop Judas. He names the truth, and then he lets him go.

And Judas went out. And it was night.

John’s gospel often plays with light and darkness, and here the imagery is striking. Judas steps into the night, both literally and figuratively. His choice has been made, and he moves away from the light of Christ into the shadows of betrayal.

It’s a sobering scene, but also one that reminds us: Jesus understands what it is to be wounded by those closest to us. He does not ignore it. He does not brush it off. He feels it fully.

Yet, he remains faithful. Even in the face of betrayal, he does not change who he is. Jesus is love. And that love will persist, even through the darkness of night.

John 13:21-30

After he said these things, Jesus was deeply disturbed and testified, “I assure you, one of you will betray me.”

His disciples looked at each other, confused about which of them he was talking about. One of the disciples, the one whom Jesus loved, was at Jesus’ side. Simon Peter nodded at him to get him to ask Jesus who he was talking about. Leaning back toward Jesus, this disciple asked, “Lord, who is it?”

Jesus answered, “It’s the one to whom I will give this piece of bread once I have dipped into the bowl.”Then he dipped the piece of bread and gave it to Judas, Simon Iscariot’s son. After Judas took the bread, Satan entered into him. Jesus told him, “What you are about to do, do quickly.” No one sitting at the table understood why Jesus said this to him. Some thought that, since Judas kept the money bag, Jesus told him, “Go, buy what we need for the feast,” or that he should give something to the poor. So when Judas took the bread, he left immediately. And it was night.

Psalm 55:12-14

It’s not an enemy that is insulting me—I could handle that.
It’s not someone who hates me who is exalted over me—I could hide from them.
No. It’s you, my equal, my close companion, my good friend!
It was so pleasant when together we entered God’s house with the crowd.

Prayer

God,

As I begin this new work week, having drank deeply yesterday from the well that is Sunday worship…let me not forget it all. Don’t let me compartmentalize your love, either for myself or for those around me. Keep me from Sunday-only Christianity.

Instead, move within me your grace & love that what I do today would reflect it.

By your spirit & in Christ,
Amen.