Honest Faith Amidst the Chaos

Speaking plainly to Jesus when all else fails.

It’s a chaotic scene — one that might be hard for most of us to picture or understand today. When’s the last time you saw a young child convulsing on the ground? At whatever level we can imagine it, we could understand the desperation of his father. But one strange part is the accompanying crowd…arguing.

And the disciples are confused.

It could almost seem like a caricature of the present moment. Particularly the arguing and confusion of the Church while the world persists in difficulty.

Is Jesus’ response any wonder?

You faithless generation… how much longer must I put up with you?

It's one of the more raw moments in the gospel. Jesus isn't cold, but he's weary. He’s been on the mountain in transfigured glory. Now he’s off the mountaintop high, back in the valley, and the brokenness of the world is loud.

Jesus tells the confused disciples afterward: This kind can only come out through prayer.

Maybe it’s not as much a formula as it is a posture. Dependence. More so faithfulness to and not as much faith in.

Then there’s the father. His voice is the one that rings through the centuries. If you can’t relate to the spirit-demon or the convulsing child, surely you’ve often felt:
I believe…yet I also don’t…help my unbelief.

This is not weak faith. This is honest, real, actual faith. Because actual faith doesn’t pretend certainty. Actual faith is willing to hand over what’s broken — even when what's broken is our ability to believe.

Jesus doesn’t wait for perfect belief to act. He doesn’t require theological clarity, nor emotional confidence. He requires only honesty — and a willingness to bring the chaos to him.

And maybe that’s part of what makes this story so rich. In a scene full of loud voices, sickness, failure, and frustration, the kingdom breaks through — not by power, not by perfect faith, not by spectacle — but by prayerful honesty, and Jesus’ presence.

Mark 9:14-29

When Jesus, Peter, James, and John approached the other disciples, they saw a large crowd surrounding them and legal experts arguing with them. Suddenly the whole crowd caught sight of Jesus. They ran to greet him, overcome with excitement. Jesus asked them, “What are you arguing about?”

Someone from the crowd responded, “Teacher, I brought my son to you, since he has a spirit that doesn’t allow him to speak. Wherever it overpowers him, it throws him into a fit. He foams at the mouth, grinds his teeth, and stiffens up. So I spoke to your disciples to see if they could throw it out, but they couldn’t.”

Jesus answered them, “You faithless generation, how long will I be with you? How long will I put up with you? Bring him to me.”

They brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a fit. He fell on the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth. Jesus asked his father, “How long has this been going on?”

He said, “Since he was a child. It has often thrown him into a fire or into water trying to kill him. If you can do anything, help us! Show us compassion!”

Jesus said to him, “‘If you can do anything’? All things are possible for the one who has faith.”

At that the boy’s father cried out, “I have faith; help my lack of faith!”

Noticing that the crowd had surged together, Jesus spoke harshly to the unclean spirit, “Mute and deaf spirit, I command you to come out of him and never enter him again.” After screaming and shaking the boy horribly, the spirit came out. The boy seemed to be dead; in fact, several people said that he had died. But Jesus took his hand, lifted him up, and he arose.

After Jesus went into a house, his disciples asked him privately, “Why couldn’t we throw this spirit out?”

Jesus answered, “Throwing this kind of spirit out requires prayer.”

Psalm 121:1-3

I raise my eyes toward the mountains. Where will my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.
God won’t let your foot slip. Your protector won’t fall asleep on the job.

Prayer

God,

Sometimes it feels like we can’t win. We can do pretty much everything right, and still lose. This seems particularly true and particularly cruel when it’s something involving the deepest recesses of our love, care, and effort. Like parenting, or being involved in a relationship, or perhaps even a project, vocation, or calling we felt like was exactly what you asked us to do.

And yet, it fails. We’re hurt. Disappointed. Feel like failure.

Yes, yes, I know…it teaches me more about your perspective. Actually, for which I am grateful. You created the world. You made humanity. And despite handing us literally the whole world, we have too often rejected the relationship and the terms of love. So I am sympathetic, Lord. I am.

But it still hurts. And frankly, I don’t have the everlasting love, grace, and wisdom with which you are shackled. So help me, God.

Help me to stand firm in love nonetheless. No matter what, I do want to do what is right, best, and loving. Just help us hang in there by your grace and strength in the meantime.

By your Spirit & in Christ,
Amen.